You need to address a colleague’s performance issue, but you’re dreading it. Past attempts at feedback went nowhere—defensive reactions, no behavior change, awkward aftermath. You’re tempted to just avoid the conversation, but the problem isn’t going away. You need a better framework for feedback that actually works.
Here’s how to give feedback that drives genuine improvement without destroying relationships.
Why Most Feedback Fails
Common mistakes:
The compliment sandwich:
Starting with praise, delivering criticism, ending with praise sounds nice but dilutes your message. People learn to ignore the middle. Worse, they feel manipulated when they recognize the pattern. Direct feedback with genuine intent works better.
Being vague:
“You need to be more professional” or “Your communication could improve” gives zero actionable direction. Vague feedback leaves people confused about what specifically to change. They can’t fix what they don’t understand.
Making it personal:
“You’re careless” attacks character. “This report had three errors” addresses behavior. Personal attacks trigger defensiveness. Behavior-focused feedback enables change.
Waiting too long:
Saving feedback for annual reviews means problems fester for months. Timely feedback—within days of the issue—allows correction before habits cement. Delayed feedback feels like ambush.
The SBI Framework: Situation-Behavior-Impact
A structure that works:
Situation:
Describe when and where. “In yesterday’s client meeting” or “During last week’s project update.” This grounds feedback in specific context, not generalizations.
Behavior:
State what they did or said objectively. “You interrupted Sarah three times” or “The report was submitted two days late.” Observable facts, not interpretations.
Impact:
Explain consequences. “When you interrupted, Sarah stopped contributing ideas” or “The late report delayed our client response.” Connects behavior to results.
Example in practice:
“In this morning’s stand-up [Situation], you didn’t provide any update on the critical bug [Behavior]. This left the team unclear about status and concerned we might miss the deadline [Impact].”
Timing and Setting
When and where matters:
Address issues promptly:
Within 24-48 hours while memory is fresh. Immediate enough to be relevant, delayed enough to not be reactionary. Exception: If you’re angry, wait until you’re calm. Never give feedback in anger.
Choose privacy:
“Praise publicly, criticize privately” still holds. Find a private space—conference room, not their desk where others overhear. Remote? Schedule a video call, don’t do this over Slack.
Allocate sufficient time:
Rushing feedback makes it seem unimportant. Block 15-30 minutes. Don’t squeeze it between meetings. The person deserves your full attention and time to respond.
Delivering Developmental Feedback
For growth, not punishment:
Start with intent:
“I want to discuss something that will help you be more effective” signals care. Compare to “We need to talk about your performance,” which sounds threatening. Frame feedback as supportive, not punitive.
Be specific and behavioral:
“Your presentations need more data” is vague. “Your last presentation had conclusions but no supporting data. Adding 2-3 charts showing evidence would strengthen your argument” is actionable.
Invite their perspective:
After sharing your observation, ask “What’s your take on this?” or “Help me understand what happened.” They may have context you’re missing. Dialogue beats monologue.
Collaborate on solutions:
Don’t just identify problems—work together on fixes. “How do you think you could approach this differently?” lets them own the solution. People commit more to their ideas than yours.
Handling Defensive Reactions
When they push back:
Stay calm:
Defensiveness is normal. Don’t match their emotion or get drawn into argument. Maintain even tone. “I understand this is difficult to hear. Let’s focus on what we can do going forward.”
Acknowledge valid points:
If they raise legitimate explanations, acknowledge them. “You’re right, the timeline was tight. And the quality issues still need addressing. How can we ensure quality even under pressure?”
Redirect to behavior:
When conversation veers into excuses, return to specific behaviors and forward action. “I hear those constraints. What specifically will you do differently next time?”
Know when to pause:
If emotion is too high, suggest reconvening. “Let’s both think about this and talk again tomorrow.” Forcing conversation when someone’s triggered rarely works.
Positive Feedback Done Right
Reinforcement matters too:
Be equally specific:
“Great job!” is nice but non-specific. “The way you handled that difficult client question—staying calm and offering three concrete solutions—was excellent” reinforces exact behavior you want repeated.
Explain impact:
“Your detailed analysis helped us make a confident decision” shows why their work mattered. Impact makes praise meaningful, not just nice words.
Give it promptly and publicly:
Recognize good work quickly. Public praise (in team meetings, Slack channels) amplifies impact and models desired behavior for others. Just ensure the person is comfortable with public recognition.
Following Up
Feedback isn’t one conversation:
Set clear next steps:
End feedback conversations with agreement on specific actions. “So you’ll send meeting agendas 24 hours in advance going forward?” Confirmation prevents misunderstanding.
Check progress:
Circle back in 1-2 weeks. “I noticed you’ve been sending agendas early—thanks for implementing that feedback.” Shows you’re paying attention and care about improvement.
Acknowledge improvement:
When you see change, recognize it explicitly. “I’ve noticed you asking clarifying questions before jumping to solutions—that’s exactly the shift we discussed.” Positive reinforcement cements new behaviors.
Feedback for Peers
When you’re not the manager:
Ask permission:
“Can I share some feedback?” gives them choice. Most people say yes, and asking shows respect. Better than unsolicited advice.
Frame as peer to peer:
“I noticed something in the meeting that might be worth discussing” positions you as colleague, not boss. Peer feedback works when it comes from genuine care, not superiority.
Focus on team impact:
“When deadlines slip, it affects our collective credibility” emphasizes team consequences. This feels less personal than “You’re making us look bad.”
The Bottom Line
Effective feedback requires courage and skill. Most people avoid it entirely or deliver it poorly. But feedback—both developmental and positive—is essential for growth. Without it, people repeat mistakes and never know what’s working.
Use the SBI framework: Situation-Behavior-Impact. Be specific, timely, and private for developmental feedback. Invite dialogue rather than lecturing. Handle defensiveness calmly. Follow up to reinforce change.
Great feedback isn’t about being nice or mean—it’s about being clear and helpful. When you give feedback well, you strengthen relationships and improve performance. That’s real leadership.
