Nearly 60% of professional women report burnout as their primary barrier to performance—driven by blurred boundaries and an “always-on” culture. But here’s what’s changing: women are redefining leadership by setting boundaries. And it’s not weakness. It’s strategy. Here’s how to set boundaries that protect your energy without killing your career.
Picture this: It’s 9 PM on a Wednesday. You’re in bed, laptop balanced on your knees, responding to “just one more email” while your dinner sits cold on the nightstand. You told yourself you’d log off at 6. That was three hours ago.
Sound familiar?
Now imagine this instead: It’s 6 PM. You close your laptop. You don’t check Slack. You don’t respond to that message from your boss. You eat dinner. You watch TV. You sleep. And the world doesn’t end.
The difference between these two scenarios? Boundaries.
According to the Leanin.org 2023 Women in the Workplace survey, nearly 60% of professional women reported burnout as a primary barrier to performance, driven mainly by unrealistic workloads, blurred boundaries, and an “always-on” culture.
But something is shifting. Women are increasingly recognizing that boundary setting isn’t a weakness—it’s a power move. In the workplace, boundaries clarify expectations, prevent burnout, and signal self-respect.
This isn’t about being difficult. It’s about being strategic. And it might be the most important skill you’re not using.
Why Boundaries Matter (Especially for Women)
Let’s start with what boundaries actually are. According to psychotherapist Esther Perel, boundaries are “about connection and separateness. It’s about letting people in and opening up or about limiting and creating separateness and knowing where you stop and where the other starts so that not everything becomes a part of you.”
Think of boundaries as your emotional immune system: they protect your sense of self whilst allowing healthy connection. When boundaries are too rigid, you become isolated. When they’re too porous, you lose yourself in others’ needs and emotions.
According to research, people with high self-esteem are more likely to adopt positive coping styles when facing stressful events, creating a bidirectional relationship between boundaries and psychological wellbeing. Maintaining healthy boundaries not only protects your mental health but also strengthens your ability to handle life’s challenges.
Why This Is Particularly Critical for Women
According to McKinsey’s Women in the Workplace report, women are still more likely to take on emotional labor, unpaid tasks, and extra responsibilities that fall outside their job descriptions. Women are more often expected to support team morale, onboard new employees, and “pick up the slack,” even when these efforts go unrecognized in performance reviews.
Over time, this imbalance leads to burnout, resentment, and stalled career growth.
And here’s the kicker: when women begin to protect their time, the backlash is swift. They’re seen as difficult, detached, or disinterested. What’s seen as strength in one person is perceived as attitude in another, and the double standards are both pervasive and punishing.
But the cost of not setting boundaries is higher.
The Cost of No Boundaries
According to research published in the Journal of Organizational Behavior, employees who have clear boundaries between their work and personal lives were less likely to think about work outside of work hours.
When you don’t set boundaries, here’s what happens:
- Burnout: Chronic over-exertion leads straight to emotional and physical exhaustion
- Resentment: You start resenting the people you’re overgiving to
- Diminished work quality: Constant availability destroys long-term effectiveness
- Health problems: Severe burnout affects mental and physical health, and relationships with family and friends
- Lost sense of self: You lose track of your own needs, desires, and identity
- Career stagnation: Overwork doesn’t equal advancement—it equals exploitation
According to mental health experts, healthy boundaries and values-driven goals are essential for creating purposeful, lasting change.
The 7 Types of Boundaries You Need
Boundaries aren’t one-size-fits-all. According to boundary experts, there are several key types you need to establish:
1. Time Boundaries
Time boundaries define when you’re available and when you’re not, and how quickly you respond. This includes work hours, response times, and how you allocate time between work, family, and personal activities.
Examples:
- “I’m available until 5 PM each day. Messages received after that will be addressed the next working day.”
- “I don’t work weekends. If there’s an emergency, please call me directly, otherwise I’ll address it Monday.”
- Blocking “focus time” on your calendar and treating it as non-negotiable
- Setting “no-meeting mornings” or “focus Fridays”
According to Microsoft’s Work Trend Index, excessive meetings are a major contributor to burnout and decreased productivity.
2. Emotional Boundaries
Emotional boundaries involve taking ownership of your own feelings and not being made to feel responsible for other people’s feelings. Everyone has the right to have their feelings respected and validated.
This includes protecting yourself from absorbing others’ stress, over-committing, or being drawn into gossip.
Examples:
- Not oversharing private details from your personal life with coworkers
- Not taking on your colleague’s anxiety about a project that’s not yours
- “I understand you’re frustrated, but I need you to speak to me respectfully.”
- Declining to participate in office gossip or drama
3. Physical Boundaries
Physical boundaries protect your personal space and determine your comfort level with physical touch. This includes everything from how close people stand to you to whether you’re comfortable with hugs at work.
Examples:
- “I’m not a hugger, but it’s great to see you!” (extending hand for handshake)
- Stepping back if someone is standing too close
- Setting expectations around your workspace and belongings
4. Workload Boundaries
Workload boundaries involve saying “no” to additional tasks when your plate is full, and managing expectations.
Examples:
- “I’m happy to help, but I’m currently focused on [project X] and can take that on after [date].”
- “That sounds important—who is owning this?” (redirecting work that’s not yours)
- “I’m at capacity. If this is a priority, what should I deprioritize?”
5. Communication Boundaries
Communication boundaries include preferred methods of contact, appropriate topics of conversation, and the level of personal detail you share.
Examples:
- “For urgent matters, please call me. For everything else, email works best.”
- Defining response time expectations: “I check messages at 10am, 2pm, and 4pm.”
- “I prefer not to discuss my personal life at work.”
6. Mental/Intellectual Boundaries
Mental boundaries ensure family time, relaxation, and paid time off so workers enjoy vacation time and don’t feel constantly tied to their work. This also includes respecting your thoughts, ideas, and opinions.
Examples:
- Actually using your PTO and disconnecting fully
- Not checking email during vacation
- “I respectfully disagree, and here’s why…” (defending your professional opinions)
7. Material/Financial Boundaries
Material boundaries relate to one’s possessions and finances. Every person has the right to set boundaries around sharing their finances, possessions, and information.
Examples:
- Not lending money to coworkers
- Protecting your workspace and belongings
- Setting limits on what you’ll expense personally vs. what the company should cover
How to Set Boundaries (Without Burning Bridges)
Knowing you need boundaries is one thing. Actually setting them? That’s where most people struggle.
According to boundary expert Brené Brown: “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”
Here’s the step-by-step process:
Step 1: Identify Your Limits
Clarify what specifically feels overwhelming. Is it after-hours messages? Being voluntold for projects? Meeting overload?
Signs you need a boundary:
- Feeling resentful toward someone
- Dreading interactions with certain people
- Feeling exhausted or drained after specific activities
- Saying “yes” when you want to say “no”
- Working during times you told yourself you wouldn’t
Step 2: Get Clear on Your “Why”
Boundaries work better when tied to your values and goals. According to workplace boundary research, frame boundaries around effectiveness: “To deliver my best work, I need uninterrupted time,” or “Taking on this additional project would impact my current deadlines.”
This reinforces that boundaries support results, not hinder them.
Step 3: Communicate Clearly and Directly
According to Dr. Henry Cloud, clinical psychologist and co-author of Boundaries at Work: “People who struggle with saying no often confuse kindness with compliance. You can be respectful and still firm. In fact, clarity is a form of kindness—it prevents resentment and miscommunication.”
The formula: State the boundary clearly + (optional) brief reason + alternative if applicable
According to psychologists, boundaries don’t always require an explanation, but if you’re establishing them for someone with whom you have a close relationship, it can help that person better understand where you’re coming from.
Step 4: Start Small and Build
If you’re new to this, begin with one or two boundaries that are important to you. Don’t try to overhaul everything at once.
Step 5: Be Prepared for Pushback (And Hold the Line)
Here’s the truth: it’s normal to face some resistance when you start setting new boundaries. It doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong—it’s just that change is hard for everyone.
According to workplace boundary experts, some people might test your boundaries. Reiterate your position calmly and professionally.
When someone pushes back:
- Stay calm
- Repeat your boundary without elaborating or defending
- Don’t JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain)
- If needed, walk away
Remember: a boundary is not a negotiation. Feeling guilty doesn’t mean you’re doing something bad. It means you’re doing something new.
Real-Life Boundary Scripts That Work
Theory is great. But what do you actually SAY? Here are proven scripts you can use today.
For After-Hours Work Requests
The situation: Your boss messages you at 8 PM expecting a response
The script: “I’ve seen your message and will address this first thing tomorrow morning. For true emergencies, please call me directly.”
Or simply: Don’t respond until your work hours. Sometimes you don’t have to say anything out loud to set a boundary. You can set parameters for certain types of interactions without explaining them.
For Additional Projects When You’re at Capacity
The situation: Someone wants to add another project to your already-full plate
The script: “I’d love to help with this, but I’m currently at capacity with [X, Y, Z projects]. If this is a priority, which of my current projects should I pause or hand off?”
Or: “I’m happy to support, but this falls outside my current priorities. When can we schedule time to discuss my workload and determine what’s feasible?”
For Redirecting Work That’s Not Yours
The situation: You’re constantly asked to take on tasks outside your scope
The script: “That sounds important—who is owning this?”
Or: “I’m happy to support, but this falls outside my current scope. Have you checked with [appropriate person/team]?”
For Declining Meetings
The situation: Your calendar is packed with meetings that aren’t essential
The script: “I won’t be able to attend, but I’d be happy to review the notes and provide feedback asynchronously.”
Or: “What’s the specific outcome you need from me in this meeting? I may be able to provide that via email and free up the meeting time.”
For Protecting Focus Time
The situation: People interrupt your deep work constantly
The script: “I’m in the middle of focused work right now. Can I get back to you at 2 PM?”
Or: Block “focus time” on your calendar and add a note: “Deep work time—available at [next time slot]”
For Personal Questions at Work
The situation: A coworker is prying into your personal life
The script: “I prefer to keep my work and personal life separate, but thanks for asking.”
Or: “I’d rather not discuss that at work. How was your weekend?”
For Setting Communication Preferences
The situation: People expect instant responses
The script: “I check messages at 9 AM, 1 PM, and 4 PM. For urgent matters, please call me.”
Add this to your email signature or Slack status.
For Emotional Boundaries
The situation: Someone spoke to you disrespectfully
Add: “I know the last thing you’d ever want to do is hurt me, so I’m asking for this so we can communicate openly and honestly.”
For Physical Boundaries
The situation: Someone tries to hug you and you’re not comfortable
The script: “I don’t shake hands/hug, but I’m so glad to meet you!” (extend fist bump or wave)
The “Soft No”
When you want to decline but maintain the relationship:
- “I appreciate you thinking of me, but I don’t have the bandwidth right now.”
- “I’m going to pass on this one, but please keep me in mind for future opportunities.”
- “That sounds great, but it doesn’t align with my current priorities.”
- “I can’t commit to this right now, but [alternative suggestion].”
The DEAR MAN Script (For Serious Boundary Conversations)
For more serious boundary-setting conversations, use the DEAR MAN framework from Dialectical Behavior Therapy:
- D – Describe: The situation objectively and nonjudgmentally
- E – Express: Your feelings about the situation using “I” statements
- A – Assert: What you need/want clearly
- R – Reinforce: Why this is important (positive outcomes)
- M – Mindful: Stay focused on your goal, don’t get sidetracked
- A – Appear confident: Use confident body language and tone
- N – Negotiate: Be willing to compromise if appropriate
Example: “I’ve noticed that in the afternoons when we walk out to our cars together, we often shift into complaining about work (D). This leaves me feeling drained and negative (E). I’d like us to either talk about positive things or walk separately (A). I think this will help both of us end our days on a better note (R).”
What Makes Boundaries So Hard for Women
Let’s be honest about why this is harder for women than it should be.
According to boundary research:
- Socialization: Many women grew up being the “yes” people—smiling, nodding, putting everyone else first
- Fear of conflict: We worry about what others will think or about disappointing them
- People-pleasing training: Saying no can feel scary when you’ve been trained to please
- Double standards: What’s seen as strength in men is perceived as attitude in women
- Emotional labor expectations: Women are expected to manage relationships, morale, and feelings
- Not knowing what to say: Lack of scripts or language stops us from speaking up
According to Women of Influence research, too often boundary-setting is misunderstood as laziness or lack of drive, but that narrative ignores the deeply ingrained workplace cultures that reward burnout as a badge of honour.
And here’s the hardest part: until boundary-setting is safe for everyone, it will remain a privilege rather than a norm. That’s why this conversation can’t begin and end with individual behaviour—it has to include the structures that surround it.
The Benefits of Setting Boundaries
Let’s talk about what you gain when you finally set boundaries:
1. Reduced Burnout
According to Psychology Today research, healthy boundaries protect productivity by reducing burnout and sustaining long-term engagement. While the occasional weekend catch-up may boost short-term productivity, making it routine often destroys long-term effectiveness when burnout hits.
2. Better Work Quality
Setting boundaries is not about doing less, it’s about being more intentional with time and energy. This approach leads to increased productivity, higher employee satisfaction, and a healthier work culture.
3. Stronger Relationships
Boundary setting builds trust. Colleagues know what to expect, managers gain clarity, and teams function more efficiently. While it might feel counterintuitive, clear boundaries prevent resentment from building up, leading to healthier and more sustainable professional relationships.
4. More Energy
When you stop overextending yourself, you have energy left for what actually matters—your family, hobbies, rest, and the work that truly moves the needle.
5. Better Mental Health
According to research, maintaining healthy boundaries not only protects mental health but also strengthens ability to handle life’s challenges.
6. Career Advancement
Counterintuitively, boundaries can help your career. When you protect your time and focus, you produce better work. You’re less resentful. You show up with more energy and clarity.
Common Boundary Mistakes (And How to Avoid Them)
Mistake #1: Not Communicating the Boundary
Invisible boundaries are crossed boundaries. According to boundary experts, personal boundaries don’t have to be communicated for them to exist—but they’re more likely to be violated if we don’t communicate them.
Fix: State your boundaries clearly and proactively.
Mistake #2: Over-Explaining or JADE-ing
You don’t need to justify, argue, defend, or explain your boundaries. According to boundary experts, don’t get sucked into the trap of over-explaining or defending your boundary.
Fix: State the boundary once, clearly. If challenged, repeat calmly without elaborating.
Mistake #3: Setting the Boundary, Then Not Enforcing It
If you say you don’t work weekends but then respond to weekend emails, you’ve taught people your boundary doesn’t matter.
Fix: Enforce your boundaries consistently. Actions speak louder than words.
Mistake #4: Apologizing for Your Boundaries
“I’m so sorry, but I can’t…” NO. Your boundaries aren’t an inconvenience.
Fix: “I’m not available after 6 PM” is a complete sentence. No apology needed.
Mistake #5: Assuming One Conversation Is Enough
People will forget. Or test. Or assume things have changed. Boundaries require consistent reinforcement.
Fix: Be patient and be willing to remind people of your boundaries multiple times.
Mistake #6: Having Only Rigid or Only Porous Boundaries
According to boundary research, healthy boundaries are flexible enough to let you form meaningful relationships but firm enough to protect your needs and self-respect.
Fix: Aim for healthy boundaries—not too rigid, not too porous.
Your 30-Day Boundary-Building Plan
Changing boundary patterns takes time. Here’s a realistic plan:
Week 1: Awareness
- Track where you feel resentment, exhaustion, or overextended
- Notice when you say “yes” but mean “no”
- Identify your top 3 boundary violations
Week 2: Planning
- Choose ONE boundary to start with (the easiest one)
- Write out your script
- Practice saying it out loud (seriously, rehearse)
- Decide how you’ll enforce it
Week 3: Implementation
- Communicate your first boundary
- Enforce it consistently
- Notice how it feels (uncomfortable is normal!)
- Celebrate small wins
Week 4: Expansion
- Add a second boundary
- Continue enforcing the first
- Reflect on what’s working and what’s not
- Adjust as needed
For Leaders: Creating Boundary-Respecting Cultures
If you’re in a leadership position, you have unique power to make boundary-setting safe.
According to Women of Influence research, workplaces must acknowledge that systemic inequities affect how boundary-setting is received and create environments where clarity is welcomed, not penalized.
What leaders can do:
- Model boundaries yourself: Don’t send emails at midnight. Take your PTO. Talk about your boundaries openly.
- Establish team norms: Define response time expectations. Set “no-meeting” times. Create policies around after-hours communication.
- Reward outcomes, not hours: Shift from measuring presence to measuring results
- Call out boundary violations: If you see someone being pressured to work weekends, intervene
- Make it safe: Explicitly state that boundaries won’t be held against people in performance reviews
- Provide training: Teach managers how to set and respect boundaries
According to workplace research, workplace connection and sense of belonging are linked to higher retention and stronger performance.
The Bottom Line
Here’s what you need to understand: Boundaries are not selfish. They’re strategic.
According to Brené Brown, the most compassionate people are also the most boundaried people. It’s about showing others how to love us better and engaging in meaningful self-care.
Women are redefining leadership not by stepping away, but by choosing a more balanced approach. Setting boundaries is not about doing less—it’s about setting boundaries. Choosing sustainability over survival. Saying no to unpaid emotional labour. Delegating more equitably. Logging off at a reasonable hour without guilt.
You’re not being difficult when you protect your 6 PM hard stop. You’re being smart.
You’re not being uncooperative when you decline an additional project. You’re being strategic about where you invest your energy.
You’re not being cold when you don’t respond to 9 PM Slack messages. You’re being clear about when you’re available.
Nearly 60% of professional women are burned out. The system is broken. And individual boundary-setting won’t fix systemic problems—but it will protect you while you work to change the system.
Start with one boundary. Just one. This week.
Maybe it’s a time boundary: “I log off at 6 PM.”
Maybe it’s a workload boundary: “I’m at capacity—what should I deprioritize?”
Maybe it’s an emotional boundary: “I need you to speak to me respectfully.”
Pick one. Write the script. Practice it. Say it. Enforce it.
And then watch what happens when you stop abandoning yourself to accommodate everyone else.
The world won’t end. Your career won’t tank. People will adjust.
And you? You’ll finally have space to breathe.
Related Articles: For more wellness strategies, read our guides on work-life integration and creating a dopamine menu for mental health. Looking to optimize your work? Check our Work articles on reducing context switching and managing email. For career advancement strategies, see our Career Strategy section on making tough decisions and skill building. Need financial strategies? Visit our Money section on money management and investing. Building a business? Read our Business Growth Strategies guide. For NYC resources, explore our guides to professional networks and support programs.
